Yikes, I have mad crazy restless energy now. It's probably a combination of things. Wow, I typed complication instead of combination. I think this implies something too esoteric for me to analyze but probably accurate to my state of mind and this drama life I've been leading recently. It's becoming too much for me to even recall on here. Plus, the ravings of my mind apparently confuse people. Well, people that don't know me, maybe those that do just come to expect it. Either way, the point of this week is that everyone, I mean everyone, is fucked up. I find it comforting because I used to think I was so fucked up, I could never fit in, but that's not true because everyone, as I said....
I am currently operating under the assumption that Dan is either has a twin, an evil one, or that he is bipolar, or that he is totally mind fucking me for his own entertainment. Knowing him is like riding that roller coaster at Disney, Space Mountain, where it's completely dark. The highs are sudden and awesome, the lows are sharp, unpredictable and on both accounts you can't see what is ahead.
My living situation is also a little weird right now. It's not a bad weird necessarily. I just feel helpless sometimes and like I might be in the middle of things I don't, or can't understand. I also sometimes wonder if I am an imposition which is something that frightens me in all my relationship situations. I just know that feeling that I have when someone is taking advantage of my kindness or patience and I don't want to do that to anyone else.
Seth is my best bud, even though I am beyond furious with him right now. I am so angry with him I have vowed, as I have many times before, to give him the silent treatment for an extended period of time.
I went out drinking 2 nights in a row, the first one definitely being the most eventful even though the 2nd was pretty cool because I got to dirty dance with Nich and his boyfriend came this time and seemed like a much cooler person that I recall him being. It was funny, we were doing some silly stuff on the dance floor, but at one point someone stole my red leather jacket that had my stuff in the pockets and I switched on what Nich refers to as my "Cop mode" and I thought I was about to have to pull a bitches earring out in the very least. I searched that place up and down. I was eyeing everyone suspiciously. I secretly hoped someone had the audacity to be holding my jacket. Fortunately (or not, lol) somebody handed it over to Security and the night was salvaged. I love my Nich, it took someone else pointing out what a good friend he is, for me to remember that even though he frustrates me a lot (flaky hippies!) he really IS a great friend.
At Sky Bar, this man was telling me all about his ideas on playing pool. I thought at first he was trying to pick me up, but then I realized he was just a floater, just as funny/awkward and unconcerned with others opinions of himself as I was attempting to be.
Another thing I like about being in Tucson is there is so much "airy-ness" with a range of New Age platitudes, and sayings, that people seem to say really funny stuff sometimes. There is definitely a "new age scene" sure, but aside from that even the general populace I run into seems pretty open minded and interesting. I always describe myself with a foot firmly planted in both worlds. I like some reality mixed in with my trippy shit, and vice versa. Maybe it's just where my brain is right now. Anyway, the man was pretty funny and made sitting in that bar waiting for Nich's late punk ass to get there not so bad.
I missed my Poi class today, due to a scare lack of funding. Maybe I should just buy a DVD and be self taught....I don't know, I really like the social aspect of the class. I am serious about getting back into it. I'm pretty GD frustrated with Seth over his assessment of my life/financial situation right now, as if he has business to talk. I cut back MANY aspects of what I would prefer to be spending money on so that I am able to do some things and improve my quality of life. For instance, I rarely if ever pick up a bite to eat anywhere. I made my own food, pack lunches and snacks. I don't shop, except at Goodwill on a sale day once every couple months. If I go to the movies it's only on Dollar Day. And I busted my ass applying for some jobs that I got totally the cold shoulder on. That being said I am beyond broke and need to recommit myself to getting a shitty job, especially now that the IRS wants me to pay $800 for 2009 when my wages were below poverty level. Yeah, that makes sense to me???!!
Mike is having a Wellness Weekend so the house is abuzz right now and I have carved out my private little corner. I spent 2 hours studying this morning at Epic Cafe. Yeah, and I am such a big spender, I felt like I should get something so I got a 80 cent coffee. (Insert mal ojo at Seth here)
Studying is hard to do hungover but I still feel like I learned something. The overall theme of this section is: GETTING OLD SUCKS. I'm going to just plan on clocking out before I become Geriatric cause WoW. My poor grandparents, I understand what is going on in their bodies a lot more now. Gee whiz..
My eyeballs hurt but I gotta study, and apply for a job. What'll it be today? I'm thinking maybe Starbucks, there seems to be a lot of those, and supposedly that don't pay all that bad. Evil Corp here I come!
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